pain

so bear with me here. it's late, i'm tired, and already writing about the furry things living in the woods unintentionally. speaking of woods that is what brought on my musings this afternoon-i mean to say i began musing whilst hiking.

i was thinking about the pain of childbirth. worst pain i have ever been in. can't even describe it. and the thing is, i don't know if i can't describe it because it's something you have to experience for yourself to understand (i'm sure this is true), but i also don't think i could describe it because it is hard to remember. i can't think of the pain of childbirth and begin to feel it again. it's just impossible to remember physical pain in the same way we remember emotional pain. take my dear friend lemony snicket. he says

"grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing, because it can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it."

why is it that emotional pain doesn't fade like physical pain does? we can remember that getting our hand slammed in a door hurts, but our hand doesn't hurt. but if we remember the death of a loved one or our lost love our hearts may begin to feel just the way they had when the emotional pain occurred.

maybe because emotional pain is in our heads, and our heads can't heal when what brings on the pain is thinking. how can we stop thinking? it'd be like trying to heal a broken leg while walking on it. it isn't going to work. and maybe that's why they say time heals all wounds, but if time really does heal all wounds why do i still cry about losing chelsea once in a while?

can we ever really heal our hearts? no. we're constantly walking on the broken leg. maybe we can eventually ignore the pain when we walk, or get used to it i suppose, but we're still broken.

to me, it's just another reminder that i need jesus to take care of me. i need to trust him to help me with this pain and carry me, because i am probably going to keep walking on this broken leg.