journey

i've been doing a lot of thinking about where i'm going.

in a literal sense i will still be at waldorf for another year. going to hold out on graduating until spring of 2011. i'm hoping the extra semester will help me re-prioritize some of my larger goals. help me focus on what is important in my life. i need to figure that out again... plans have changed and shifted over the last month, and i've forgotten (again) how to be alone and content.

the idea of becoming published continues to mess with my mind, and i've been thinking that is definitely somewhere i want to go. i've actually been writing a lot about my past for my non-fiction class. even though writing about it is...challenging to say the least, these stories hold some of my best writing. i hate the irony of it though. i don't know if it's funny or sad that the life i couldn't have is the reason i will be able to accomplish this major life goal.

i've also been thinking about where i am going with god. i haven't been trusting him recently. i've been depending on other people for happiness/satisfaction. and while other people are capable of helping me perk up my mood once in a while, it's inevitable that they'll let me down at some point. just like i will (and have) let them down.

the only one who never fails is god, and i just ignore him half the time. sometimes i wonder if the reason for the changes in my life have been put there by him. i need to depend on him more. trust him more. i think my journey with god is long overdue. and while i am not sure what that journey entails i know i just need to let go and let him take the wheel.