on love

so as i was driving home from waverly tonight i began to think about the following bible verse:

“you have heard the law that says, love your neighbor and hate your enemy. but I say, love your enemies! pray for those who persecute you!" matthew 5:43-44

and i realized that sometimes it's harder for me to love the people who mean the most to me. i think it's easier to love my enemies because when i'm loving my enemy i have a particular attitude towards them. i don't hold an enemy to a high standard. i expect them to be mean, hurtful, and not good for me. when an enemy says something that has the potential to hurt my feelings i can quickly recover because i know they're "just like that." (i'm sure i could talk about my perception of that and whether or not it is accurate, but tonight i'm going to focus on love.)

so why is it harder to love the people who mean the most to me? because i expect them to be there for me. i trust them to not hurt my heart when i give it to them. (if i put eggs in your basket i do it with the intention that you aren't going to drop any of my eggs.) i hold them to high standards, unlike my enemies. and like my enemies, my loved ones will eventually hurt me. except that, when they hurt me it cuts deeper because they know me inside and out.

it's hard to love a person who isn't my enemy after they have cut me deeper than any enemy ever could. it hurts more. i care more. i want to change for them. it's also hard to come to the realization that there are people out there who have a hard time loving me because i have hurt them deeply, like only a friend can.

if love is supposed to be unconditional why do we attach strings? there are times when i think that rather than attaching strings i'm the one being strung up and along. i suppose everyone takes either role at some point in their life.

either way, there is one thing that has been made clear to me tonight:

hate is easy. and love takes courage.